How Was Your Childhood?
Just as soon as anybody hears I was adopted they ask, "How was your childhood?".
What are you supposed to say?
Why is it any of their business?
I can't imagine someone asking a non-adoptee how their childhood was upon learning they grew up in Akron, or Los Angeles, or Bugtussle. It would seem impolite. I would never dream of asking someone I had just met about their childhood. What gives people the right to ask me?
Still they seem to think they have the right to do it.
I wasn't abused, I got fed and clothed, I had everything I needed, and my parents loved me, so I suppose it was okay. That's what I tell them.
I'm never sure if they want an affirmation of how wonderful adoption is, or want to satisfy some morbid curiosity.
The thing is if I gave them a real answer, it would satisfy neither need and they, more than likely, would walk away very confused.
Can we just change the subject, please?
What are you supposed to say?
Why is it any of their business?
I can't imagine someone asking a non-adoptee how their childhood was upon learning they grew up in Akron, or Los Angeles, or Bugtussle. It would seem impolite. I would never dream of asking someone I had just met about their childhood. What gives people the right to ask me?
Still they seem to think they have the right to do it.
I wasn't abused, I got fed and clothed, I had everything I needed, and my parents loved me, so I suppose it was okay. That's what I tell them.
I'm never sure if they want an affirmation of how wonderful adoption is, or want to satisfy some morbid curiosity.
The thing is if I gave them a real answer, it would satisfy neither need and they, more than likely, would walk away very confused.
Can we just change the subject, please?
posted by Addie Pray at 12:32 PM
4 Comments:
Hi Addie...I think most people are just curious about an adoptee's childhood and so they ask when they know you are adopted. I often wonder how anyone knows if anyone is adopted or not...and it is sad that being adopted is, in my opinion, sterotyped historically as something bad that happened. I am sure you have heard siblings argue with each other and then one turns to the other and says: "If I don't know any better, I'd say you were adopted!" Nowdays it is being given a different spin as something noble and good by society.
I agree that when a person who knows little or nothing about you asks you about your childhood, it can be annoying and/or it could be an opportunity to educate the other party about - adoption, adoptees' feelings or just plain good manners.
Something inside me says my childhood is mine and it is an intimate part of who I am and I am selective about who I want to share that with. And if that person who is asking wants to know, it is my choice on whether I share anything and it is usually contingent on how much I want to know about the other person and whether I can trust them.
People generally think they have the right to ask anything. However, when people ask questions that are inappropriate, they will hopefully learn that an inappropriate response in return might be what they get - and that, in some cases, may be an appropriate inappropriate response!
Hey I got this answer for you from my friend Jennifer, you can give your biggest cheerleader smile and say, "I was raised in an amazing 2 parent family!"
I've not heard that question yet......hmmmmm wonder why?
If I chose to answer honestly then the listener would get more than they bargained for.........lol
You know whats funny about this is that when I tell people I am reunited with my son, many times the first question has been "so how was his life growing up"
I think it is as though they want to see if adoption is as perfect as they have been told.
Joy can you think up a nice pat answer for me?lol
MSP
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